But then I decided to stop being so chicken-shit, and live with a bit of my past.

I’ve deleted him from every other aspect of my life.

AND I’M FINALLY HAPPY.

I haven’t felt this at ease for over two years.

And now, I’m actively deciding whether to play my Nintendo DS or masturbate.

We talk more now than we ever did when we were “together.”

I’m still in love with the guy.

So his emotional ups and downs still effect me.

And there’s virtually NO chance of us getting back together. Prospects for a romance are long-past ruined.

What do I do?

How can I drag myself out of this funky mood I’m in?

I’m thinking I’ve got a mild case of Seasonal Affective Disorder goin’ on. And, not to mention, I’m not superwoman. The breakup’s still got me down.

Help.

All of his friends reached out to me today.

Telling me that they’re there for me, and they hope everything works out, and telling me that it’ll all be okay.

And what an awful mistake he’s making.

One of his own friends (of 8 years!) called him an idiot.

His friends, who have in turn become my friends, are a wonderful group of people. I love them dearly.

It doesn’t ease this tremendous pain I’m in.

I’m willing to forgive everything you’ve ever said to me (“I’m going to start dating other people now, you know.” “It wouldn’t have worked out regardless.” “I’m repulsed by you right now.” “You’re being so immature.” “You’re so naive.” “I’m done with you.”) if it only meant we could be together again.

This hurts. So. Damn. Much.

Alone.

Solo.

Just me.

I’ve never been so scared in my life.

Flyleaf || All Around Me